After achieving adulthood I prided myself and thanked God for being spared seduction, molestation, and rape by any number of men who'd thought I was fair game. There was drug use going on in my house by the adults who lived there. My 2 uncles, my aunt, and my mother. There were a lot of strangers coming by. Sometimes these people paid unnecessary attention to me. I avoided them for the most part, but remembered being cornered several times. One particular incident happened when my aunt who shared an attic bedroom with me brought someone home with her late one night. She wouldn't have called it prostitution but it boiled down to that. I was 15 or 16 years old and woke up to a naked white man standing over my bed. I didn't panic. I guess I was so used to crazy shit happening anyway. I just pretended like I was asleep as I heard her coaxing him back to her side of the room. Thinking about it later I don't know how I didn't pee my pants. Another incident was when my mothers boyfriend blocked my way from leaving the kitchen of our house and told me that I was going to kiss him. I was alone in the house with him and didn't know what to do. I can not remember what I said to him to get away, but I moved out that week without telling my mother what happened.
I thought I'd avoided all the possible scenarios of rape. Who would have thought once I'd found someone that loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, that he'd be the one to force me to have sex with him. That he'd be the one to force me into a corner and say "you are going to kiss me" The fear of not being in control. The fear that I would become like my mother and let someone take my life because I know in my heart she didn't want to give it away!
